11/30 - Godzilla vs. Diarrhea!!
I heard the news today, oh boy…he stomped on Tokyo with his big scaly feeeeeet…” Godzilla just got a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. There he joins everyone from Francis X Bushman to the Olsen Twins. He must be thrilled. Producer Shogo Tomiyama ("Accepting for Godzilla, who couldn't be here tonight...") said "I'm here representing Godzilla. Unfortunately, he cannot speak English," he said. "We're very excited he is being honored in America." Godzilla then went on to a luncheon where he was honored by the B’Nai Brith, as Jewish Monster of the Year, and an evening as guest of honor at the American Film Institute Honors where he was roasted by good friends Jack Nicholson and Warren Beatty. Tomorrow he’s going to be on “Ellen” where everyone in the audience will find a jar of his new vanity project, “Godzilla Brand Wasabi” and a copy of his autobiography "Will There Ever Be A Rainbow?" (in which he confesses to a longtime affair with Mothra) under their seats. But things haven’t been all rosy for the beloved atomic mutant. He is currently being abused as a metaphor for diarrhea in an Imodium commercial. The commercial opens as an otherwise attractive woman, relaxing in a chaise lounge on the beach, grimaces as the image of a pagoda-detroying Godzilla is projected on her mid-section (the inside of which we are led to believe has been similarly afflicted with said diarrhea…). She reaches into her straw bag – which she no doubt picked up at Sandals, the same place she picked up her intestinal bug – and pulls out a box of Imodium. She takes one, and the next thing you know, old Godzilla, who could not be stilled by laser cannons and missiles is vanquished by an over the counter dose of loperamide hydrochloride, marches out to sea. Oh the indignity. Besides, if there’s something rumbling around in your guts that feels like Godzilla, it’s time to go casket shopping. Check out the “fun facts” on the Imodium site: